For Colored Girls Who Demanded It All/When Having “A Piece of a Man” Was No Longer Enuf

I was born in the 80s in Miami, so I was raised on some combination of Betty Wright and frozen cups. Any given Saturday, you could find a Black child singing along to the music of her mama and grandmama, Betty Wright’s “No Pain, No Gain.”

One of the lines oft-quoted is this, “Having a piece of man is better than having no man at all, so I’m just gon take what I got and work with it. You understand what I mean?”

We repeated it so much that we believed it. We accepted it as our truth. 

Having a piece of man had to be better than being single, right?

Having a man come by on the weekend, as our contemporary girlie SZA explained, 

“You take Wednesday, Thursday

Then just send him my way

Think I got it covered for the weekend.”

And we accepted a weekend man, a part-time lover, a “Saturday love” as enough. 

But it never was. 

And we were always settling. 

And, to be honest, we were always lying. 

We wanted to be chosen as the only woman, the main woman. We wanted to be promoted from weekends to full-time. 

And I’ve had a breakthrough. 

Someone, here lately, asked me what I wanted. And I replied, without missing a beat, “I want it all.”

I shocked myself. 

I didn’t even know that’s what I was thinking. I didn’t even know that’s what I wanted. I didn’t even know I had to courage to say that. 

And I did. 

And I stood in it. 

I didn’t try to explain it or downplay it. 

Cause I do. 

I want it all. And I deserve it all. And I’ve earned it all. 

If I’m going to have it all, then I need to set the intention and the standard from the outset. 

In fact, hell, Whitney and Chaka had it right: “it’s all in me.”

And here’s what that means: I’m complete and capable, and that’s what I’m going to expect from here on. 

I expect what I offer. 

Shonda Rhimes said we can’t “have it all” all at the same time, but I think I’d rather die trying than never attempt. 

The weekends might be enough for someone else, but it’s not good enough for me. 

Lackluster communication might be good enough for someone else, but it’s not good enough for me. 

Inconsistent attention and affection might be good enough for someone else, but it’s not good enough for me. 

I want it all. And I’ll wait for it.